Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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