Don't you send me to vm
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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