Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
