i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We have so much sex to catch up on
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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