walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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