yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
