Your dad touched me again.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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