so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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