Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
