hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
