eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
