we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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