i'm signing you up for texting rehab
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
