I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
