Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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