So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
