i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
