"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
