I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
