I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
