Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
