i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
