Whod you bang
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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