He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
