Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
