Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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