Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
