Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Is it because I queefed?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
