We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
