he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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