I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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