on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
