My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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