the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
