this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
