everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
