Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
