I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
