you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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