apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Found your dick twin last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
