a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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