My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
