i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize