I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
