so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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