The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
