Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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