We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
