Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
