Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
