Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
