i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
