I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
