She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Found your dick twin last night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
