i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
