i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
