Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
