Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
