Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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