Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
