I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
