I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
