If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
