Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
