He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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