will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As shirtless as possible
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize