Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
