Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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