last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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