i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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