To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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