Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
