Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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