I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
