I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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